


Let Her Go

by brokencasbutt67



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, F/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokencasbutt67/pseuds/brokencasbutt67
Summary: I put how I'm feeling onto eivor - except I don't have a love life to cause any issues. I'm just depressed.it's based on the song Let Her Go by Passenger, who owns lyrics/copyright/etc.
Relationships: Eivor/Randvi (Assassin's Creed), Randvi/Sigurd Styrbjornson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Let Her Go

As Eivor lays back on her bed and stares up at the ceiling, she can’t help but think about how differently things could be. She could have Randvi by her side, she wouldn’t feel so cold and alone. Things would be so much better – for Eivor, Randvi, and Ravensthorpe. Sigurd, of course, doesn’t know about the events that occurred between Eivor and Randvi, high atop the weathered tower. But Eivor sorely regrets her response. She had it in front of her, she had the chance to finally give in to her desires, and she tossed it away like a piece of trash, and for what? The marriage between Sigurd and Randvi – if it can be called as such – has been falling apart for a while now. _But it’s not my job to break it up for my own selfish gain._

Eivor sighs and shakes away the thoughts. She's trying not to wallow in her depression, though it's easier said than done. Eivor's energy is sapped, she's so tired and she just doesn't want to do anything anymore. Losing Randvi, and whatever they had, is draining Eivor.

* * *

_Well, you only need the light when it’s burning low,  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow  
Only know you love her when you let her go._

* * *

Eivor looks to the box of letters on her table. There’s one stuffed clumsily into the top, likely from one ally or another. Of course, Eivor knows that she should read it. If it is an ally, and they’re in need, it’s a cry for help.

But Eivor doesn’t want to move from her bed. She’s tired, beaten up and worn down by the world around her. At times like these, she’d give anything for some affection. But she’s turned everyone away from her – she rejected Randvi because of her promise to Sigurd; she rejected Petra, though she’s not sure why. It’s the same with Tarben – Eivor rejected him and she doesn’t know why. _She does._

_It’s because she loves Randvi._

* * *

_Staring at the ceiling in the dark,  
Same old empty feeling in your heart  
Cos love comes slow, and it goes so fast.  
You see her when you fall asleep,  
but never to touch, and never to keep._

* * *

Eivor’s never slept too well – she’s often too aware of her surroundings and the risks to fall asleep comfortably. It’s even worse now though. Her depression overwhelms her, she spends countless hours overthinking the events of her life. It’s horrible to relive everything that she’s gone through, and yet, that’s not the worst part. When Eivor closes her eyes, she’s met with Randvi, and visions of Sigurd. She’s reminded that she betrayed Sigurd by kissing his wife, even if nothing came from that kiss. _A betrayal is still a betrayal, no matter the size._

So, sleep is even rarer for Eivor now. Thankfully, she’s offered herself to patrol the camp on a night, the safety of the settlement is paramount still, and her lack of sleep can ensure the safety for another night. But Eivor’s tired. She’s barely standing, and she knows that it’s becoming dangerous. The number of injuries she’s getting is increasing, and they’re getting more and more dangerous with each day that passes.

_The pain of the injuries eases the pain in Eivor’s heart._

Eivor shakes away the thoughts with a sigh, looking around the room. As a flame flickers, it reflects from one of Eivor’s many weapons. She glances over to it – _oh how she longs to live a different life._ Eivor shakes away the thoughts, though they reappear after only a moment. _It’s not that she wants to die, but she doesn’t want to continue to live the life that she has._

A few voices in the longhouse catch Eivor’s attention for a few moments, though she doesn’t have the energy to move. _If they need me, my door is open for them to ask._ Eivor doesn’t even care about what she looks like right now – laid back on her bed, arms crossed over her chest as she stares up at the ceiling.

Eivor’s mind drifts back to her weapons. _I could use the excuse of a hunt; I could run away and never come back._

_Deserter. Coward._

Eivor’s mind is a warzone. She’s made up her mind though. She knows that she can’t take this life anymore. There are no plans that are carved into stone yet, but Eivor knows that she’s going to leave. The settlement can flourish without her – it does so well when she’s called away by allies anyway.

She sits up with a sigh, rubbing her hands over her face. Stars dazzle the darkness of her closed eyes for a few moments, though it passes and Eivor stands up. She wanders out of her chamber, wandering through the longhouse. She can feel Randvi’s eyes on her, and Eivor prays to the Gods that she has the courage to continue on her path, and not to turn back and run to Randvi. Eivor wants to do that – by the Gods, she wants to go to Randvi. The thought of being in Randvi’s arms is like a light in the dark, but she can’t. Eivor curses herself for agreeing to that trip out with Randvi. She’d swallowed her feelings down, accepting that nothing would come from it with Randvi’s marriage to Sigurd. Randvi changed that, and Eivor brutally rejected her. 

“Eivor, is everything okay?” Randvi’s voice drags Eivor from her thoughts.

“Hm? Oh yeah, fine” Eivor says. Her eyes meet Randvi’s for the briefest of moments before they both look in opposite directions. _Awkward._

“You were just standing, I was worried” Randvi clarifies. Eivor shrugs slightly, not saying anything.

“But if you’re fine, I’ll leave you be,” She says. Eivor nods and turns away.

“Oh! Eivor, there is a feast tonight, a celebration for Sigurd and I. I hope you can join us” Randvi calls out, but Eivor is already walking away. She doesn’t say anything as she hops onto her horse and begins to ride away.

Eivor doesn’t ride too far from the settlement, only to the Northern border. There’s a cliff there and a cave. Eivor has considered making this her home several times. It’s close enough that Ravensthorpe can call on her in a time of need, but there’s still enough distance that Eivor doesn’t see Randvi every single day.

_You could end it all. You wouldn’t be faced with Randvi, or Sigurd, or anybody else that you’ve wronged. Think of Ceolbert, he loved you and he’s dead._

* * *

_Maybe one day you’ll understand why  
everything you touch dies._

* * *

Eivor sighs as she swings her legs over the edge. It’s so tempting to jump, to end it all here and now. She’d never be found. _I have things to clear up._ Eivor shakes her head again, looking down at her boots. She pulls out her axe and traces her fingers over the blade.

There’s a slight sting, and Eivor realizes she’s cut her finger. It wasn’t intentional, but watching the blood pouring over her hand and down her arm is euphoric. It fills her with a feeling that she just can’t place, she feels as though she’s drunk a few too many of the strongest mead. It’s enticing too, Eivor can’t help it as she repeats it on her wrist. _There’s more skin there, more blood too._

One small wound turns into several large ones, an accidental injury has turned into intentional ones. But more blood pours, and Eivor can feel herself getting higher and higher as it pours. Eivor comes to her senses quickly though. She shoves her axe aside and clumsily wraps some cloth around the wounds, before covering it with some armour. She lets out a shaky breath and looks around.

“What’s happening to me?” She murmurs. A bird flies overhead, it catches Eivor’s attention for a few moments. She stands after a moment, deciding that murder is the best course of action. It’ll clear her head, fulfil her bloodthirst, and hopefully, help her work through some of the overwhelming emotions. Eivor wanders for only a few moments before coming across a cavern of wolves.

They pick up her scent and attack before she’s even stepped inside. But Eivor isn’t complaining. She has so much pent-up emotion that she’s killing these wolves with ease. Until she comes face to face with the alpha. It’s snarling, baring its teeth to her. Their eyes lock, and Eivor can feel herself retreating. She isn’t backing down, but she doesn’t want to fight. She wants to lay down her weapons and let the wolf attack her.

Eivor shakes the thoughts away and lifts her axes. She takes a swipe at the wolf, and it lets out a slight yelp before retreating. Eivor lets her axe fall again, and the wolf seizes the moment to get a bite on her hip. Eivor fights back again, though she lets her barrier fall and gives the wolf a free hit to her. This repeats until the wolf is dead, and Eivor is staggering on the spot. She sighs.

“I need to get back, the feast is soon,” She says, through ragged breaths. She drags herself away from the cavern, trudging down the path towards Ravensthorpe. Several members of the public stop to ask her if she needs help, but Eivor continues to drag herself along. There’s a long trail of blood following her.

Eventually, Ravensthorpe appears in her view. She can hear the cheers of the celebrations. _Damn, I’m late._

Eivor stumbles into the longhouse, leaving a trail of blood behind her. There are festivities ongoing, but when Eivor collapses to the floor, the room falls to silence. She lets out a gurgle as Randvi kneels beside her.

“Eivor, my love. What’s happened?” Randvi asks, brushing her thumb over Eivor’s cheek. Sigurd watches on with confusion, though he jogs over after a moment, pushing aside his questions of the relationship between Eivor and Randvi. He watches as Randvi kisses Eivor gently, though before Eivor can comment, the light has faded from her eyes. Randvi lets out a sad sigh as tears stream down her cheeks.

“Everybody, go back home” she orders. After a few moments, Sigurd repeats the order with more fury in his voice. Members of the settlement scramble to flee, making their way to their homes, all the while questioning what’s going on. Sigurd sighs as he looks around the longhouse. He wanders over, raking his eyes over Eivor’s body. The most notable wound is on her thigh, though there’s a littering of wounds all over her body that he can see, varying in their severity. They mostly seem to be inflicted by an animal, _or a human._

“Eivor’s too smart to let an animal kill her, or an enemy for that matter. Either this was intentional, or there’s a new force to be reckoned with” Sigurd is pacing the longhouse as he speaks. He drags his hand through his hair, he can’t bring himself to look at his fallen sister.

“I am aware that she has been having some… Sigurd, come look at this” Randvi says. She had wanted to say that she knew Eivor was struggling, but when Randvi removed the armour covering Eivor’s arm, the line of cuts has caught her attention.

“They look… self-inflicted” Sigurd admits. Randvi nods solemnly, though she doesn’t say anything.

“She won’t even make it to the Great Hall” Sigurd yells. He stands up and walks away, cursing and yelling as he does. It’s expected – he’s just lost his sister after all. Randvi sighs, watching him walk away, before bringing her attention back to Eivor.

“What have you done, my love” She murmurs, though she knows she’s not going to get a response. Instead, she begins to organize the funeral arrangements while her heart breaks in her chest.

She's lost the love of her life _._

* * *

_Only know you love her when you let her go  
And you let her go. _


End file.
